And then... the rain came.
I am listening to the sound of the rain hitting my chimney vent - that glorious sound. We've had only 8 inches of rain this year, and it decides to rain now...
Okay, Lord. I'm listening. I can do all things through You.
"Bring me joy, bring me peace,
bring the chance to be free,
bring me anything that brings You glory.
Cause I know there'll be days
when this life brings me pain
but if that's what it takes to praise You,
Jesus, bring the rain." ~ MercyMe
Time to load up the girls for a trip to the Yarn Barn!
I know my perception is probably far from reality, but sometimes it seems like such a better situation. There's no hurry up and rush in the morning to get the kids to daycare so you can get to work - work all day then hurry to daycare to get the kids before they close - then head home to figure out something quick to cook for dinner and feed the kids - then clean up the kitchen before it's time for baths and bed - then try to pick up the house your children destroyed in the fifteen minutes you weren't looking - then sit down and discuss your day (work) with the hubby since you don't have any friends that are interested in listening - then finally plop down in bed so completely exhausted from the day when (oh you can't be serious) dh starts rubbing up against you.
All to get up at 5am - okay, 520am after I hit snooze twice - to do it over again the next day.
I'm envious of the girls I know that stay at home, who get to meet up at 10am to do Bible Studies or get the kids together for playdates at the morning library story time. I'm jealous of Mother's Day Out. I'm envious of naptime, when I notice they get time to post comments on blogs or on Facebook or have time to clean the house since the kids are sleeping. I wish I too could go to the gym every morning after breakfast rather than once every couple of weeks. I'm jealous that they get to drive the SUVs my dh won't let me have. I'm jealous that I'm not part of their close-knit circle of SAHM friends, since us working moms don't fit in that group sometimes. I wish, at the end of day, I'd still have enough energy to play with my kids rather than falling asleep while they watch Dora, and I wouldn't have the guilt I feel when they ask me why I can't stay home with them.
From the outside looking in, the view looks so much better some days...
Their mama, on the other hand, is facing a new employer, new boss (mine resigned last week), new co-workers... and I'm a wreck. My mind races from the second I get up in the morning until it finally poops out at the end of the day. My anxiety level is cuh-razy. I only wish I could mirror my daughters' way of taking things in stride and learn to embrace the excitement of new people, new opportunities, and new challenges as only a child can.
Thank goodness for moments like this to remind me how much fun learning new things can be:(from a girl who said "I don't wanna do ballet!! I wanna be a chee-leader!")
Maybe the best change in store for me is that of my perspective.
photo credit: Kim Hargreaves
I'm also contemplating making the Debbie Bliss cabled jacket from the cashmere collection.
Today, I'm reflecting on Sunday, one of my favorite days of the week, a day where you can forget all the "stuff" hanging around from last week and be ready to start anew...
"There's somethin' bout a Sunday mornin' breeze
Church bells ringin', "bringin' in the sheaves"
And the smell of supper, simmerin' on the stove
A little bit of both's sure good for the soul
Sittin' on the swing with her head on my chest
Givin' any worries one day's rest
Suddenly everything's gonna be okay
There's somethin' 'bout a Sunday" - Michael Peterson
Guess I should enjoy while I can. Otherwise, I'll be up and over the next hill - 40. At least I'm still on the 30 end of this decade!
I want to have multiple colors, and they're not cheap, so I figure I'll save up for a color at a time and eventually have a full set. The colors I want? Sunflower, Scarlet, Peacock, and Shamrock. Ack! I'm excited just blogging about it. And since I've successfully completed my Target fast - I'm ready to shop!!
When I became a mother, my identity became wrapped up in the arms of mom as well. I was no longer this confident, spontaneous, funny girl - I was a worn-out, washed-up version of myself and I allowed every plan in my life to be led by a baby girl who wouldn't sleep, wouldn't eat, and who sometimes wouldn't stop crying. I flaked out on opportunities to be with others, secondary to the fact that I didn't want to "throw her off her schedule". But in reality, I threw my life off schedule. I completely took myself out of my life, and I began to suffer for it.
Just when I was adjusting to building up myself and my life again, I decided I wanted another baby. (Go figure). Again, the same pattern took ahold and I pretty much became a hermit in my own home, surrounded by a screaming two-year old and a newborn who spent her entire day upchucking her stomach contents.
The Joy of Motherhood, my ass.
It is only recently that I've decided to try again to break out of this cycle and nurture the part of me that was there long before the diapers and formula and potty-training. I've learned to ask for time "off", time away, to regain the much-needed time to remember that while being a mother is wonderful and one of the best things I've ever done, it's not everything I am nor the only role I'll every play.
I was a woman first and will be a mother always.
This weekend, my sister and brother-in-law took my girls away for the weekend, and it was such a change to not have my little offspring running around the house. I slept in until *gasp* 8:00 yesterday morning, was able to finish my coffee while it was still hot, enjoyed privacy in the bathroom for a change, had a leisurely lunch with a girlfriend, saw a matinee... it was wonderful. It was quiet. It was lonely.
I took time to put myself as a woman first and in the process, learned to appreciate myself more as a mother.
- Visit a yarn store?
- Go see a movie?
- Try out a new sewing pattern?
- Try out a new recipe?
- Paint the bathroom?
The opportunities are mind-boggling!
One thing I will be doing for certain... is missing my girls and freaking out a little while they're not under my watchful eye (or roof). It's a mom thing.
Sorry for the lighting - I finished it this evening and couldn't wait to take pictures!! Maybe tomorrow I can get some with better lighting and with the girls.
I do, and contrary to what some people may think, it has nothing to do with me being selfish, me not having my priorities right, or me thinking my children are a burden. If anything, it's the exact opposite. It's because I want to give of myself completely to my baby girls when I'm with them, but sometimes mommy can't because she's just so exhausted she can't see straight to help put the puzzle together or to read Pinkalicious just one more time...
Today I left work, wishing I could have just a moment to catch my breath, but knowing I had to hurry to get the girls, get them home and fed and clean and ready for bed. With a pounding headache and an impending ulcer, all I wanted to do was just lay on the couch for five minutes and not listen to them fight over putting together a Little Mermaid puzzle.
I was ready to be off the clock, if only for a moment.
*sigh* It appears this parenting job, though, is a 24/7 gig, and down time is nearly impossible. Thank goodness the benefits are incredible:
Yeah. I wouldn't know anything about that.
*** The playhouse is turning out adorable and I'm almost done - the serger popped a thread and I didn't feel like rethreading last night so it's waiting until I get my patience back. Three more inner seams and it'll be ready for a photo op!
I need ideas for healthy, quick recipes that my kids will eat. Can you help?!
My family... and my waistline... thanks you!
Pretty, right? I used Amy Butler fabrics from the Midwest Modern 2 line. The skirt is Orange Dahlia in ivory/poppies and the waistband (which you can't see :() is blush/martini. After making some of the girls' skirts from Walmart fabric, it was nice working with great material. There is such a huge difference in the way it feels and the way it comes together!
The pattern was easy to follow and this skirt was cut and pieced together in an afternoon. Love it! I can already tell there will be more of these poppin' up in my closet... And just for my girls, I had to test out the Twirl Factor...
I think it meets the standard, don't you?!
Oh... I almost forgot! Dh surprised me with an early birthday present today - a serger! Now - off to figure out how to use it!